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Lisa and Amy : Lisa for her kick ass pitching skills and Amy for her kick ass distraction skills, neither of whom we could have won the game without. Nice work on both counts. |
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Once Again, The Ladies : Team leader T-Bone always likes to nominate the ladies as the MVPs, most likely because he is an insatiable flirt and he thinks it will score him points and nookie, but this week they actually deserve it. Let's hear it for the ladies! Girl power! Hillary in '08! Oops, maybe I took that one too far.
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Deena : Deena just plain kicks ass. She can kick the ball farther and run the bases faster than any other living Cooter, and she'll even take off her pants at the bar when prodded. If that's not MVP material, I don't know what is. |
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Joe and the Mad Cold Winds : Joe because he booted an in-field home run (are there ever out-of-the-park home runs in kickball?), and the gust of the Mad Cold Winds at his back for aiding in that effort. |
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The Ladies : Because all the other teams try to recruit the female cooters. And because they show up every week. And because they play better than most of the guys. |
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Kyle and Luigi : It ain't all just buckwild buffoonery, sometimes the Cooters actually have to play kickball. And these guys will dive for anything and take a roll in the dirt to make the catch if required. |
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The Sports Page: For the Chicken Balls and because where else can you get away with shit like this? Plus your webmaster missed the actual game and has no other idea of who did what. |
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Avery and the Next Generation: Don't think the Cooters aren't looking ahead to the future. We're scouting for Greasy Cooter Season 22 as we speak, and this Avery kid can ball. Sign your toddler up today. |
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Bleeding Knees : Sometimes you take a digger for benefit of the team. Sometimes you ditch in the dirt because you're clumsy like an ox. Either way, you're a team hero for breaking the skin. Those gravel bruises hurt like a bitch, and the Cooters appreciate every single one of 'em. |
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Kyle and Damien : Kyle owned the outfield and the infield. He had a shit ton of RKIs and never dropped a pop fly. Plus he's good at campaigning for the MVP title. Damien pitched a mean game and then took a digger in the dirt, messing up his knee in the process, and drawing blood should always earn a Cooter a recognition. |
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"Nipples" and Damien : Nipples hit our only homer of the season, and then proudly showed off his ass on camera. Damien held his own at home plate in the face of a charging Heuter, and took a pretty rough looking elbow to the face in the process. It really looked like it hurt. |
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Miller Highlife Light in a Can : Because I can't get enough of it and I sprained my ankle trying to get back to it between innings. |
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Blood : Because Cooters aren't afraid to spill it. And then grind dirt into the wound. And then rub the dirty bloody wound on teammates. |
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Jagermeister : Because, honestly, what kind of team would the Cooters be without Jagermeister. That's not even a funny concept. I don't even want to imagine it. |
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Kyle : During every single game of every single week of every single season, Kyle owns first base. What did you say? You say you're in the market for a first base? Ready to commit to a purchase? Oh, I'm sorry, it's not for sale. Somebody already owns it. His name is Kyle and he's got a 30-year mortgage on first base, bitch. |
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The Ladies : In Greasy Cooter world, the ladies are always MVPs. It's about time they get their due recognition. To all the Cooter ladies: we love you whole-heartedly. Especially Natalie, who worked a pile-driver on Lambert like you wouldn't believe. Oh and Katie and Nicole and Alicia and Julie and Kris and Dawn and all the other girls who represent every damned week. When they show up. Which they almost always do. |
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Jake and the Umps : Jake because he played twice as hard at half the age. And the umps because it ain't easy being an ump against the Cooters, bitch. We call nearly every single play into question for dubious reasons. |
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The whole damn team : After winning the poor sports award the previous week, the cooters rebounded in good spirits. Luigi got ANOTHER in-field home run plus an injury, Lambert went face first into home and then re-enacted it for the camera, Ungerman hightailed it home with ease, fly balls rarely got past us, pitches were right over the plate, the umpire's calls were never questioned, and Bad Apples sang Billy Idol. |
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Luigi & Alicia: On offense, Luigi kicked an in-field homerun and scored like a cheerleader on prom night, and on defense our catcher Alicia kept her cool when being taunted by the opposing team, responding with pride to their pathetic derision: "No, I OWN TWO Dairy Queens." Represent. |
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Lambert: It was his birthday. Plus, he nose-dived into second base, skinning both knees and almost knocking himself sober. You can't even think "A-Game" without dramatically whispering "...Lambert." |
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The whole damn team: cuz we all kick so much ass it's not even funny. And because every link in a chain is important blah blah blah. |
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Eric, Brian, and Lisa: For kicking the high and deep homer, for sliding like a pimp whether or not it was necessary, and for making the all-star catches, respectively. |
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T-Bone "VIP" Geckler: For financing this website. |
